Life

Woke up again today and realized how alone I am, nothing new but still it's an everyday struggle there's not a doubt in my mind that life is pain. I've tried to always be an honest person, perhaps try isn't the correct word because my honestly never fails. The only person I lie to is myself, I tell myself that these people really care about me and that things aren't as bad as I think. Sometimes I even think that she loves me like she says she does, yea I know major denial. One of the first things I said to my mother when she woke up today "The only reason I'm still alive is because I don't want you to miss me" she probably is one of the only people that would miss me so that probably has more weight to it than any other conversation I've had with her.
  I tire of putting everyone else before my self and then feeling hurt when they don't do the same. Sometimes I wish I could get rid of all this love I have for people because when it comes down to it a lot of them aren't worth it, it seems. People I've called my "best friend" for years don't even call anymore to even see if I"m alive, I'm fully aware that people grow up but never did I think people I knew as a little kid would change so much it leaves me feeling betrayed and used. Been there every time possible for them through every thing assuming they would do the same. I knew people could be surprising but things like this just kinda hurt and really throw me for a loop it's more of a disappointment than anything else really. Expecting something out of someone and then getting nothing, it's like waking up on Christmas morning and not having any presents as a child. You start to wonder "did I do something wrong?"
  Perhaps in time I can become less sensitive and caring of a person like those around me so I can fit in and not feel like the outcast anymore. It's by no means what I wish to happen but it seems to work, desensitize your self to everything happening around you and just be oblivious and you'll be happy after all they do say ignorance is bliss am I right? Is it possible if I make a change for the worst in my personality people will learn to appreciate me more and not take me for granted as the nice guy who will always be there forgiving and saying "it will be ok" constantly striving to ease others pain and putting mine on the back burners not to seem selfish? I suppose only time will tell what the future holds for me and everyone else who goes through this thing we called life. I do know one thing though  definite attitude adjustments are desperately needed if we want to improve the "quality" of our lives rather than the "quantity" if you catch my meaning. Sad to say people just don't seem to get along anymore, but did they ever....?
Peace

Just some thoughts and reflection.

Life is full of so many wonderful and painful things to experience like love, friendship, family, these can all be great at times and horrible at others. For example I recently lost someone I loved deeply but I regained a few good friends that I was very close to in the past. I didn't plan on either of these things happening but hey that's the mystery of life it's crazy, weird, lovely, and amazing all in one neat little package just waiting for you to unwrap it and dive inside to take what you will from it.
  On the other hand I believe I have realized what I want out of life. I'm sure some people will think it's stupid that some young guy is sayin he knows what he wants in life it might be a little cliche even but the thing about life people don't seem to realize is that all lives end the same, regardless of the actions and methods done on the way there. I'd like to think the things I want out of life are "unique" or "different" but I'm sure there's plenty others who want the same things. love, a family, a nice career good health, a nice place to live and good friends.
 All in all life is what you make of it and I haven't been making the most of mine to be honest but I'd like to make a change there. I'm a firm believer in practice what you preach even though I don't always do the same (how ironic). I've been putting things to the side out of fear of rejection or failure but that's surely what ny life will be full of if I don't step it up and I encourage you all to do the same.

First blog

Hey people, I'm new to this whole blogging thing but my friend said I should try it out so here I am. I suppose I can post just about anything that comes to mind here so perhaps I'll do just that, I hope everyone enjoys it. Sometimes it's nice to just let things out, so I'll start with this. I've recently been heart broken by a woman I thought I was gonna wind up spending my life with even though we only knew each other for a few months things were going so great and so fast I didn't think anything of it I just enjoyed the happiness we shared with each other. I knew she had problems with relationships in the past so I had been warned yes but I still decided to give it a go and what do ya know? It seems to have turned out pretty badly at least on my part. I still miss her dearly  and never did anything to hurt her so I can at least have peace in the fact that there was nothing more that I could have done to keep the relationship strong than I had already done. It's pretty personal so I won't go into details and I'll just leave it at that my friends however already know the story for the most part and that's enough I'd say. However I will give piece of advice that you can choose to do what you will with it. If you are warned by someone's ex, not to get with them it's not always jealousy sometimes it's a genuine warning, I learned this the hard way but hopefully you don't as well. Also if you really love someone even if you're mad at them or scared of what your future together might hold, don't just give up on the relationship if you really love them you'll talk to them about it and try to make it work through all the ups and downs because this is what life is about, getting past your problems not avoiding them or pushing them to the side.